Ever wonder how to use perfectionism to your advantage? Do you sometimes think about how you’d like to turn on certain parts of perfectionism and turn off other parts? Have you ever gladly given yourself permission to use perfectionism?
This might be something you’ve never thought about.
Until today. 🙂
What would happen if you permitted yourself to use your perfectionism (for good and not for evil, of course)?
Permission to Use Perfectionism
It can be reasonably easy to find tons of reasons why perfectionism is “bad” and should be “overcome” and requires a “recovery.”
This is not that type of post, and I’m not that type of person who sees perfectionism as black or white, good or bad, all this and none of that.
I have seen perfectionism used for amazingly great things, and I’ve seen it used in well, somewhat disastrous ways.
To say that perfectionism is all great or all horrible is in itself, rather perfectionistic.
So, for fun and, dare I say, perhaps even for pleasure, let’s consider using perfectionism for our benefit.
Related: Inside Perfectionism
Permission to Use Perfectionism: A little story
First, because stories can be interesting and because some say stories are the best way to toss around an idea in your head, let’s consider a little perfectionism permission story that happened this morning in my kitchen.
Without getting into it (because it doesn’t help the story), my husband has a lot of routines and, well, you might say, “rules” around his dietary habits.
So even on his birthday, there is no eating of cake or ice cream or even something exciting like cheese or bread.
Yes, not even cheese or bread.
So basically, when it comes to my husband’s birthday and food, the best I can come up with is making what he makes for himself instead of him making it, so on his birthday, he can save a few minutes, and instead of prepping edibles, he can scroll his phone longer.
Fast forward to me presenting him the oatmeal that I’ve seen him make tons of times after following the recipe I know he uses: oatmeal, blueberries, and water.
Well.
Adaptive perfectionist that he is, when he sees the oatmeal I made, and it happens to look different from the oatmeal he makes, and after he decides he doesn’t want it, it ends up in the trash.
Apparently, he has a system down that includes blueberries that must be directly on top of the oatmeal, not mixed in before going into the microwave. There is an exact, down to the second, time in the microwave to preserve the integrity and squishiness of the blueberries.
I never knew any of this by my casual observations of his oatmeal routine. LOL.
I’m laughing about this at this moment as I write this.
I could have been bothered, but it’s his birthday, and he can eat the oatmeal-made-by-me or decide it’s not good enough and make it how he likes it (describing to me along the way how he does it in case I should ever attempt making it for him again).
While for some, this could turn into a marital issue and/or reason to talk about marriage coaching, this actually is an excellent example of him permitting himself to use his perfectionism.
He was saying, “Hey, I want what I want on my birthday, and I’m happy about it,” and the wife (me) said, “okay, great, that’s cool; you like to stick to what you like on your birthday.”
I don’t usually use my perfectionism this way, but I saw it as a possibility I may want to use in the future.
If someone made food for me, I’d probably eat it unless it had something in it I never eat, such as meat, but in the case of this unsettling oatmeal, he didn’t like how I stirred it, LOL.
He wanted his birthday oatmeal to be exactly as he liked it on this birthday, and hey, if I never ate cake, ice cream, cheese, or bread, then I would probably be pretty picky about the perfection of the food I ate too.
This is just one example of a person deciding to permit themself to use perfectionism.
Enjoying things on your birthday is probably something many people can support and even cheer for.
Wanting things to be perfect, in an adaptive way, meaning you are going for what you want and aren’t using avoidance or fear in the process, can be a way of accessing and using perfectionism to get things you want.
What other ways can you give yourself permission to use perfectionism and ultimately have your own back about it?
Permission to Use Perfectionism: Potential Uses
Often it’s the perfectionist in the room who sees the one thing that could be fixed or tweaked to make the entire room better, or she knows how to make that one dessert that everyone asks the recipe for, or he is the person people trust to make the things happen.
Could there be some ways to use this eye for excellence in a way that serves others, including the perfectionist?
My mother, a self-identifying perfectionist, makes the most amazing-looking presents. Nobody wraps boxes, ties bows, and decorates presents better than her.
She enjoys using a perfectionistic eye for colors and patterns and lined-up edges and bows placed in just the right spot, and others enjoy getting the gifts she so amazingly decorates.
Sometimes permitting yourself to use your perfectionism to create something beautiful feels good for the perfectionist and others who also benefit.
Employers have often rewarded perfectionists for their work (because the employer usually benefits in some way from it), teachers have many-a-time given out stars and As to students who used perfectionism on their assignments, and parents have expressed being proud of their perfectionistic child’s clean room.
Often society rewards perfectionism, but do perfectionists reward themselves, or do they often critique themselves and their work for it not being good enough even when others tell them it was good?
What if the one using perfectionism decided to only use perfectionism if they liked what they were using it for, and they also agreed to only use it if they liked how they felt about themselves while using it?
Here are some potential ideas for giving yourself permission to use your perfectionism:
- You could use your perfectionism to go all-in with learning something that you’ve wanted to learn but haven’t gotten around to studying yet.
- Suppose you or a loved one is facing a medical issue. In that case, your perfectionism could be helpful with getting medication taken on time, adhering to medical advice, and researching possible alternative health options.
- You can literally use your perfectionism to improve your perfectionism. This could look like using your ability to fully commit to something 100% and applying it to an area you really want to work on, such as committing to be nicer to yourself by criticizing yourself and others less. For instance, you could set a 30-day challenge for yourself to criticize yourself and others less, and if you find yourself in a moment of being critical, pull a rubber band that you have around your wrist. This would help raise your awareness of how often you criticize while diminishing the criticizing you do.
- You could turn your perfectionism on to improve your relationships by committing to being fully present every time a loved one is talking to you.
- You might use your perfectionism to get really good at one recipe you want to start making as a yearly tradition, such as making the most amazing homemade eggnog every year for Christmas.
- You could allow yourself to use your perfectionism to make a dream vacation that you take this summer using your ability to research and plan and be detail-oriented to create an unforgettable vacation.
- You could use your perfectionism to write that book you’ve been wanting to write by setting up an accountability group that meets weekly wherein you report how much writing you got done so that by the end of the year, you have actually written your book.
Permission to Use Perfectionism: Tips for Use
The main thing to keep in mind when deciding to intentionally use your perfectionism is that you like the thoughts, feelings, actions, and results that you are operating in.
Ideally, you would be thinking thoughts that you serve you, feelings that serve you, actions that serve you, and results that serve you.
Another way of saying this is that to be using your perfectionism for good, you can check in and see if the thoughts you are thinking feel good.
For instance, if you are using your perfectionism to hang a picture, and you find yourself feeling excited to hang the picture, curious and fascinated about how to get the picture hung in the exact way you want, and pride and celebration when it’s done, you are likely in the beneficial zone of perfectionism.
Questions you can ask yourself to help keep you in the adaptive part of perfectionism are:
- What thoughts will keep me energized as I do this?
- What feelings will feel great along the way?
- What thoughts would make me proud as I do this?
- How can I do this in a way that gets me what I want, and it also feels fun?
- What can I tell myself as I do this to keep me going and encourage me along the way?
Giving yourself the permission to use your perfectionism in a way that gets you what you want in life while liking how you are treating yourself and others is a worthy idea to spend time not only contemplating, but also trying.
Are you interested in testing out ways to make your perfectionism work more for you and your goals? It could be super rewarding and life-changing!
One last mega-tip for using your perfectionism I want to mention is to consider not using it on other people. As in, trying to get others to do what you want them to do because you have an idea of how they should be doing it, this most likely is not going to be beneficial for you or them.
What’s the takeaway here?
If you want to use your perfectionism and you like your reason for it, go for it (assuming that nobody, including yourself, gets harmed in the process).
In fact, by permitting yourself to use your perfectionism when you want to, you can also learn to turn on or turn off your perfectionism at will, thus having more discipline and choice with all aspects of your perfectionism. Who knows until you try it?
Perfectionism has its perks for those who know how to wield its potentially enriching power. What perks have you noticed? I’d love to know!
And if you find yourself wondering how you could use your perfectionism in empowering ways, I can help coach you there!
Who is your coach?
If you don’t have one, I would be so honored to be your coach!
I created a coaching program just for women with perfectionism. We address challenges and goals, and we have fun along the way! This is the “perfect” place to practice giving yourself permission to use perfectionism in a positive way.
Start with this practical guide that I created for you to get some quick wins with perfectionism, and let me know when you want to start coaching!